Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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