I looked at my own cervix.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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