No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
