Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
