guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
