ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
