I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
