the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
