Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
