I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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