pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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