first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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