You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
