Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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