You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
