my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
