i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
