I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
