I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My pussy is not your playground.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
