Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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