I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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