I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
