Define "chronic" masturbator.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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