Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
