I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
