eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
