She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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