South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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