Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
