I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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