dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
