The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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