weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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