Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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