Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
