he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
