That's intense
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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