Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
