I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
