pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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