You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
