I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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