She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
