I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
