also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
