Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
