The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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