Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
