Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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