Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
