Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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