i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
