She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
