Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
