Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
