Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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