No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
