I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
