Got a toothbrush?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
