i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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