you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize