just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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