So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
