oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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