So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
