his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
