halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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